Do not adjust your vision, today's featured presentation follows shortly.
You may be used to no-expense-spared economy-crippling big budget entertainment extravaganzas. If you are you may need to be prepared to lower your standards because for the next 74 and a 1/5 minutes you are at my disposal.
This is a story of an Earth unlike the one we see around us, this is the story of Earth mk2 'The second Big Bang' ...The Earth where the gods try to get it right....
For reasons that will never be explained this story doesn't start at the beginning, that much is known.
Instead our story unexpectedly and literally bursts in to existence in front of your eyes from the very nothingness of which it shall inevitably return...
Empty everlasting stillness of cold void suddenly spills out with a myriad of universes filled; with galaxies, planets, stars, nebuli. ...and of course a lot more nothingness.
The ever expanding, ever growing mass of universes suddenly freeze leaving us with a panoramic designer's floor plan view of the heavens, without warning the celestial range-finder begins to move again hurtling off in the direction of a very distant blue galaxy.
Entire galaxies become blurs of foggy light as the view finder spots its target and homes in at a frightening pace, by now the cheesy intro music has begun to play.
The picture is clear now and so real you can almost smell the vacant space of space.
You may be experiencing the strange sensation of smelling sawdust despite the combined facts that sawdust hasn't been created yet and a void by its very nature is vacant of everything - including smells. If so pay no attention, the sensation will pass.
All around you the newly emerging universe continues to expand at an inconceivable rate.
In compliance with modern movie filming practices our opening scene is interrupted with the following title :
"PLAYING GODS"
Abruptly the music halts and is instantly replaced by some rather unconvincing birdsong, made even less unconvincing by the fact we are still in space, looking at the Earth, a badly bruised, poulticed Earth.
A half a second passes before you realise what you just saw.
For the third and final time the ULTRA-WYDE panoramic deluxe televisual roller coaster hurls in to action, whizzing over the Earth in a clockwise direction forcing sixty three hours of rendered128bit 120fps mind boggling CGI to the back of your retinas in the space of two and a quarter minutes.
For many, these two and a quarter minutes will be the talking point of their lives, stories to hand down to their children's children's children. Millions will speculate about what it must have been like to witness such a marvel first hand
Statistically 0.02% will suffer serious nervous breakdown and convulse with epileptic style seizures and require restraining and or sedation.
One in thirteen will leave having lost track on the story at the beginning, never fully catching up - they will tell their friends it was overly complicated and a bit like the Matrix only without the action and computers.
You are free to judge for yourself because you are about to experience what they will in those two and a bit minutes of beginnings...
You're there now,
Before you, the spinning multi-layered mass of molten rock, solid rock, and water we will soon call Earth mk2.
As you watch the in hospitable planet revolve it begins to cool and take shape.
Then from out of shot in the upper-right corner a blue paintball the size of Ireland impacts the now separating continent of Africa, sending a strange radioactive glowing gunk splattering over what we call Zimbabwe....
Bugger!! ..pass me another,
and a red one!
Perpetually the Earth spins...and a red one!
The barren Americas begin to take shape as a red paint pellet the size of Iceland explodes across the former soviet states, sending purple stuff cascading across mountains and valley indiscriminately.
Still turning a more familiar Earth begins to take shape, a green blob the size of New York strikes a mass of rock that will soon become Australia.
In the 354 rotations of the Earth that follow, ten more magical projectiles are fired, most hit around the African continent. Three miss the Earth completely and are never explained.
The glowing celestial goo doesn't seem to do anything at first besides splosh and soak in to the ground until there is a shift in momentum, it becomes apparent our world is slowing down.
Without any regard to the law of evolution plants, trees and animals start being conjured in to existence ...the world is still taking shape.
Mountains slam in to each other forcing their combined peaks to screech in to the air as confused mountain beasts hurriedly make their decent downward and out of harms way.
Birds look on in amusement, a duck laughs.
Grass sprouts from Eastern Asia and rapidly spreads outward like exponentially-growing bacteria in rabbit mating season.
Thunder roars overhead as clouds begin strategically placing themselves over Scotland. The skies erupt as a small ocean makes its way downward at an even pace.
A bewildered otter runs for cover on an empty lowland hillside as an angry river loudly thrusts forwards in its search of a sea to call home.
The Grass begins to bloom and flowers sporadically burst through the soil and fight for attention as the sun loiters above unaware of its own existence.
Motion sickness sets in as we move to new surroundings,
Polar bears playing tag and basking in the rays of the sun while dissatisfied penguins and seals look on slowly backing up as they do so.
Just as the creatures are coming to terms with their new environment someone turns the weather on and a whitewash of ice and snow angrily sweeps across the land like the front end of a hurricane, throwing seal pups, mammoths, penguins and everything in its path as far as their weight would allow.
The weather front passes leaving concussed animals and vegetation spread across the landscape like a new born child might redistribute food across a floor in protest over feeding arrangements.
The animals of the Arctic that are presently conscious begin scurrying for the high ground now as the suddenly remember what an ocean is.
The inbound lukewarm tidal wave that looms overhead steams as it comes head to head with the newly refrigerated air.
Terrified creatures below jump, run and limp for safely it descends on them like a warm brick pillow that flattens then embraces them as it carries them along for the remainder of the journey.
Meanwhile on the high ground predator and pray stand side by side in anticipation and terror and hoping for the best.
A strange smell is in the air.
The air is awash with white noise, the kind that can only be generated by the introduction on twenty six thousand feet of liquid to another body of liquid of equal magnitude.
As they collide, sending two mirror image ripples the length of the Alaska back in the direction they came, the waters slowly withdraw again.
Once more the panoramic landscape begins to move,
As we travel across the land and in to a warmer climate trees of every species begin to punch through the soil, age and bare fruit.
As they do creatures warily approach and poke at them to test their realness and look at each other with expressions that convey the human equivalent of shrugging shoulders.
Birds hesitate to make a sound and try and remember what it is their instinct wanted them to do before they started to just have a lie down and wait till its time to wake up.
Oblivious to all of what has come before insects suddenly come in to existence and begin colonising their new surroundings. ...a dung beetle watches an ox and waits.
A warm shower erupts over head as the rain begins to fall.
Our world is halfway complete, now it's time to see where the budget went...
One minute of beginning left...
A new horizon now, a new landscape.
A new continent if truth be known ...or at least it will be.
At first nothing particularly obvious about it that makes it stand out, no distinguishing features as such.
Nothing particularly Greek about it right now, just some hills, and in the distance a dark blue sea.
For the second time that unexpected and unrealistic birdsong erupts prompting the local wildlife to question who would choose a moment like this for a sing-song.
Clouds hang maliciously in the skies above as a cold zephyr whisks its way along the sea shore which catches the attention of a befuddled unicorn heading in the same direction.
The grass is high and ripples in the wind like unattended laundry that needs to be brought inside now.
Beneath, the ground rumbles and shakes as the earth continues to slowly set in place and solidify into those shapes we know so well.
The final rumble reduces our trillion dollar high definition rock-steady vision to something reminiscent of a mid '90s hand-held camcorder with an auto focus fault, which spoils an endearing image of the moment a young dear is reunited with her foal.
Out of nowhere the sound of a microwave pings.
As focus resumes the lush green landscape of the island turns to darkness for a moment as a brief but distinguishing outline of a dragon glides overhead - despite its non existence..
A solitary bolt of lightening strikes unexpectedly at a tree that was minding its own business.
Slowly we are transported away once more, across the grasslands and forest in the direction of a large hill leaving the rain and menacing clouds far behind.
The grass is different here, short and more yellow in hue. The soil below has turned from wet brown to a brittle dry orange, no trees here except the occasional large bush that has secured prime real estate.
A long, three hundred and sixty degree survey of our immediate surrounding complete with nasal feedback emulation gives a general impression that it is presently late spring.
A low level, high pitch whine slowly passes then dissipates in to the silence again as an adventurous bee decides you are not part of the landscape then moves on.
The air is dominated with the smell of grass, wet grass and vegan chopped cucumber and water salad.
From the looks of it our world is fast becoming populated,
As we look on at the awe-inspiring spectacle of special effects a feeling may set in that something is missing from the scene...
As a hand full of juvenile minotaurs materialise a foot above ground level in a puff of pink smoke that feeling starts to take the form of a question ..."Where are all the people?"
The minotaurs pick themselves up off the floor and wonder off as if nothing happened.
Birdsong fills the air again and right on queue a fleet of storm clouds anchor themselves over head and begin releasing a barrage of liquid projectiles at the parched land below and its current inhabitants.
The true power of technology combined with human imagination and ingenuity is embodied in this very moment of the feature when in absolute definition a completely real and perceivably tangible hand slowly and deftly descends from a cloud and begins picking bushes, small trees and any other form of foliage from around the large hill directly in front of view.
The hand then begins to brush aside any debris on around the mount slowly working its way down, around and outwards.
Right, that's more like it now where did I leave those plans? ...some one hand me a..
The tidying and rudimentary landscaping continues accompanied by the incessant chatter of unbelievable birds...
A finger finally flicks a dead tree sixty or so miles out to sea before the unbelievable invisible birds fly off taking the clouds and hand with them.
A finger finally flicks a dead tree sixty or so miles out to sea before the unbelievable invisible birds fly off taking the clouds and hand with them.
Then without warning, the sky is suddenly filled with a million species birds circumnavigating the world in search of somewhere that looks a bit like what they imagine home should look like.
As they pass the air is filled with a new kind of projectile and a new aroma replaces the wet grass we took for granted and now long for once again.
All around exhausted birds slowly and uneasily glide to back down to the earth as the stop for a quick breather and snack before desperately propelling themselves upward before they loose track of the flock.
A lazy parrot amuses itself with impressions of distressed eagles and startled owls while an onlooking crow tuts loudly.
A family of robins bickers; squawk as they squabble over a newly found grub before continuing one their unplanned vacation.
The avian mass of passes in what seems like hours but in fact would equate to 1.6483seconds if time existed at this point in the story, but alas it does not and our story is still yet to begin.
This never before or again to be seen spectacle passes leaving minds filled with inspiration, hearts filled with awe and in 0.000427% of cases seats filled with moisture. If you have been affected in this way do not worry this sensation will pass.
As the image slowly seeps in beneath you the ground begins to tremble silently, a small earth quake or the result of some distant spring cleaning?
As the serenity of nature returns in the form of near silent clam there is time to take in your immediate surroundings.
As the serenity of nature returns in the form of near silent clam there is time to take in your immediate surroundings.
This earth alright,
...As real as it ever could be ...even more so.
The smells so clear you can taste them,
...the colours and sounds exactly the way you would expect.
...As real as it ever could be ...even more so.
The smells so clear you can taste them,
...the colours and sounds exactly the way you would expect.
But then we are drawn backwards and upwards back in to the realms of panoramic vision and Dolby effects, back to the bird's eye view, with your vision drawn to where you were - and want to be again.
But your interaction is restricted to viewer only.
But your interaction is restricted to viewer only.
The cheesy theme music is starting to fade in again as Earth mk2 begins to whirl round frantically, time appears to be passing.
As it slows for the very last time the world beneath is a populated one.
We rejoin the familiarity of Terra Firma once more and kiss the effects budget goodbye, It fades in to darkness and the abyss of lost memory like the location of the favourite toy you had as a child but misplaced and then subsequently forgot you even owned in the first place.
Earth mk2
By now the mind has absorbed the very essence of our new universe's fundamental base code, Earth mk2 is being downloaded directly into your brain at this very moment.
You higher brain functions are actively invested in the outcomes of them; this makes you an active part of the interconnected celestial system.
Earth mk2 all around you,
The feel, taste, smell and sound of it only in completely different arrangement.
Events have occurred in a predetermined manner as surely day follows night, and inevitable as when a butterfly farts in the autumn the following spring a monsoon will surely strike a shore in Asia Minor.
The Gods have been at work going about their elusive and mysterious ways, often employing ingeniously cryptic messages in the dreams of demented old hags, or employing the use of an animal with unpredictable results.
The mysterious ways of the gods are not to be questioned mere mortals cannot understand such ways and are therefore excluded from the holy matters and the decision making process,
As a result there is no dialogue and no negotiation on the ways is offered.
...So by the time our story actually begins the situation already has the potential to get out of hand.
A message appears before your eyes, it soon becomes clear that you are free to roam Earth mk2 and you are presented with a number of choices, each choice will transport you to a specific time and place within our newly formed world(s) where you will learn just exactly how mundane and unexciting our universe really can be...
"*You may return here at any point*"
It has been a very unique one. Never read anything like this and before I choose to enter one of the story choices you have presented to me – a question, how long have you been working on this?
ReplyDeleteI’m tempted to ask what is the driving force behind such a project and so I shall…what do you hope to gain?
You had me hooked, as I have just read your work all the way through preferring not to make notes and type up my first responses and suggestions as they come to me.
Very much like my own work, you have done away with any straightforward storytelling experience – you’re aiming for immediate and something that hopes to submerge it within itself. Bravo for effort and I do like the multiple choice story effort idea that awaits me (where do you find the time for such things). I’d do more of a spelling/grammar check if I were you but that aside, the minotaur’s, unbelievable birds and the all knowingness of the narrator/creator is broad in vision (details of the unbelievable birds would help in the picturing) and actually shuts me out of doing anything else but needing to get to the end and make this comment. There is a vast amount of smells and again, efforts to place me in the environment, rather like the loading up of a computer game…I was aware of the building of its ‘matrix’ around me because you were telling me what was on offer (I wonder if one or more of the stories will relate to me in more of traditional way?).
Your world is very self-aware and in its self-awareness I found that ironically (from time to time) aware I was reading a story. Some meta statement you were making, or is this just an experiment with form you wished to try out? My last Spiderfingers story shares the same self-awareness and though the tale came from a character motivated angle, I will most definitely draw the emotional truth/core of my series back into the lime light. I’ve obviously got a thing for a story with a heart and so when yours reveals itself to me I’ll be much more comfortable with your wild linguistic posturing!
ReplyDeleteI say press on and keep it coming – you have a very creative mind and I am VERY interested in what I’m going to enter next. Restricted Access sounds like fun but I suspect some sort of intriguing dead-end to be updated in months to come? I’ll spare myself the rejection and head on to Gods – Mischief but then, you knew that didn’t you?
Having had a sneaky peak at this one before, I too am very intrigued by the format. You're definitely a man of grand and complex ideas Leon, and this introduction is a far better piece structurally than your previous piece. The idea of creating an alternate universe is one that has been used before, but I think they relationship between the gods and their creations might be a close/conflicting one - I'm sensing that you'll draw heavily from Greek mythology and have your gods and earthbound creatures interacting in ways that most stories don't allow. Please let me know if I'm right on this hunch and let us know how you plan to develop this theme. There's a lot of scope for telling very interesting and original stories and I'm excited to see that.
ReplyDeleteYour prose and the structure of your writing were a lot clearer in this piece - which makes me suspect you've a) been working on it for a long time and/or b) you're passionate about your narrative and have put a lot of thought into its creation. This is great.
My only stylistic point is that, although this is great for a first chapter, I'd like to see your focus shift to a more character driven level for some of the subsequent chapters. This is not to say that I don't love the epic scene setting that you've achieved here, and obviously, when one is setting up an alternate universe, it makes sense to look at how it was created from a macro level. However, from the point of view of your readers, convention dictates that there must be a protagonist or two to follow. It's perfectly acceptable to throw caution to the wind and go against these conventions, but I think that, in subsequent chapters, you should consider looking at the universe from the point of view of a single character. It helps your audience to better understand and follow the narrative.
I hope that makes sense. Really please to see you taking on something so ambitious and can't wait to read more! :)
Firstly i had a lot of favourtite lines but this being my utmost favourite: "smell the vacant space of space."
ReplyDeleteRight now that I've got that out of the way, lets press on yes?
I really enjoyed the description of the world coming into being - was a bit confused about the blobs of colour but I loved the description of earth "growing" so to speak. It did however conjure up memories of the ending of "Hitchikers Guide" where the Earth is jolted into existence, but as Leanne mentioned before this idea of a different type of Earth has been played before and I'm intrigued to where you're hoping to go from here? I liked Leannes idea of the Gods having a little naughty interaction with the human folk (not that I'm asking you to write some sordid erotica just in case you were freaking out...) But will you draw on Greek mythology to help you or are you going to create a completely new and enticing set of Gods? Maybe Gods with a bit of edge? They seem to be very picky and a bit backwards (animals first then water?) so will you play on that?
You have a really firm grasp of similies (I think that's the right one..)- especially the one about the winter creatures and the small child. That line was my favourite I actually gave up a little chuckle...
Overall I think it is a very engaging and creative opening peice. It hasn't given too much away and I think you have a lot of avenues you can explore with this and I am looking forard to reading more.
The intro reminds me (greatly) of a little programme thingy I once found on the 'nets where you can zoom i and out of our universe, apected in erspective, exploring its niches. Cant remember link (but have indexed it on my fb). Have you seen this, was it inspiation? Curious. Well this is full of little half remember ahhs and ahahs. Nods, or subconscious? The tech meta story weaving reminds me of Tad williams-golden city? something like that.
ReplyDeletePet peeves: Telling me of what you are showing rather than just showing. (much like Johns lst couple of peices). It jars me and I ust dont like it, it feel forced and untidy. Like watching a film where there is always someoe filming in the foreground, or seeing the film on the screen of a computor whilst imaging guys have a last check making ever so slight adjustments as they go. A distraction that doesnt really add anything (say unlike a docu about the process).
:Using the senses inadequately. IE you keep saying smell. Much better when you just describe the smell rather than telling me i can smell. Also dont neglect the others! Touch is greatly lacking (if intended then point out the lack of sensation of audiance). The line where you listed the senses particularily grated on me, much better if a list of associations.
Zephys, by nature, are warm.
I am certainly intrigued.
You seem to be eaving three levels of story together. The audiances perception, both of now and retropectively in figures. The 'Gods' seemingly muddled attepmt to contruct a world. The world itself. And I suppose there id the machro umbrella view of an author constructing their world/story.
I suppose thats more that three levels. And that is why I think you need to work on really tightening up this overall. The 'god' asides ARE tight, and work well as they interupt the narrative, but the blocks of text confuse these different levels, and not it a good way, overlap is good, confusion not so much.
Are the 'gods' gods, or people? Are they literally building a world, or a programme? Are there people or not? It seems there or not, then hags are later mentioned..but their comng into existance is not. Is the lesson that a perpect world, is a world without people? Or are those streaks and blobs of colour going to, later, counter the effects of people?
The others mentioned the need of a chacter through which to view the world...which I half agree with.
Is the world itself you character? Now this dea could have SO much possibility, but if so you need to a waking sentinace with the creation of your world. Later stories that happen upon it...with the world a constant companion, the story players unaware of its presence yet wholly surrounded by it, the audiance privy to its perpective...hum.
Or are you keeping it more distant, the audiance as the player playing a computor game/watching a film unfold, immersed in the story, yet disconected? This would be risky and likey reinforce the need of a chara.
Oh and there were some really great comedic lines!
Right ive rambled on some. :)
'Telling me of what you are showing rather than just showing. (much like Johns last couple of peices). It jars me and I ust dont like it, it feel forced and untidy. Like watching a film where there is always someoe filming in the foreground, or seeing the film on the screen of a computer whilst imaging guys have a last check making ever so slight adjustments as they go.' - A. Fox
ReplyDeleteMr Lime's ego was indeed the engine for his need to cast himself in the story. I was seeking to illustrate my love of story by having him attempt a take over buth thankfully we now know that he wasn't acting of his own accord. Don't worry Leon, by the time you get to the Spider episodes in question this spoiler will sneak up on you. That said, I'm curious as to your reasons Leon for the way you've set up your preferred method of description? Tell us all!
Happy to read on the FB hub that you are willing to take what Ashley has rightly noted as a risk, that you want a narrative starring characters to inhibit your alternate universe/world. PLEASE do romance? Save it from the tacky connotations that have latched themselves upon it in our cynical and dire consumerist times!
Ok so commnent on piece 1/2 for you this time Leon!
ReplyDeleteI can definitely sense your style right off that bat and as a fan of Python, Pratchett and Adams fan I know I am going to adore the mix of mythology and reality I am just itching to read in your next instalments! You do a real good job of setting up your own genre and how it differs/fits in with other similar styles.
I felt like was really zooming through the stratosphere with your narrator but I’d like to get to know him/her a little more perhaps this will come later but I feel it would benefit insertion in this section. Also perhaps a little more description of the transportation device/observation deck the audience are based in would help ground the piece in a reality a bit quicker for me.
Your pace and subject feel very cinematic and I find myself with very vivid imaginings while you’ve not gone o.t.t with description, I wish I could select just 2,000 odd words to describe the creation of a planet!